CD12, 5th and final day of Estradiol, negative OPK
"So we are taking one day at a time. With each morning that results in a negative OPK, I get more and more antsy and impatient. I also notice that today I am weepy. I feel that dwelling too much on the possibilities might put me over the edge. But, what immediately comes to mind after writing that are the words "great is Thy faithfulness...morning by morning new mercies I see." Words that steady my restless heart. One of those "mercies" is the overwhelming support we have received from friends, family, church members, even strangers (ahem, online friends, anyone?). By daring to be transparent, we have enjoyed the repercussions of being prayed for and encouraged. My friends and family are constantly asking how I'm feeling on the fertility drugs. They want to be notified when we finally head to Cape for the IUI so they can pray during that time. What a blessing people have been to us lately! I am grateful to God for encouraging us through His people.
It is difficult not to be consumed by this--this endeavor to get pregnant. Already I feel overtaken. I'm trying to rest in contentment in the Lord, but my mind runs rampant, recycling every possibility. And as I've mentioned before (in my journal, but maybe not here), if the Lord grants us a child through this I am nearly convinced it will be twins. Don't know why...other than that that is what the prayer of my heart is. Most of my prayers don't go beyond the plea for children through this IUI. I can't really go over the negative posssibilities without nearly being paralyzed by fear and grief. My heart constantly beats: "It MUST work, it HAS to work." But I know that's not true.
The Lord knows my heart, and may His will be done. But I'm praying that twins are part of His desire."
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Still ticking the days off one by one. I write to keep myself sane during the waiting. I'm sure the two week wait will be much worse. :) I'm drawing much comfort from Lamentations and Romans right now (random, I know, but Romans is where I'm reading right now, and I was directed to Lamentations from another blog, so that's why the two different books.). Whatever the outcome, may God be praised.