(This is a duplicate post from our family blog. To skip down to new content, scroll down.)
We met our social worker for the first time on Friday (our previous meeting got snowed out) and got our required informational meeting out of the way. Normally, our info meeting would take place at the agency or another public place with lots of other potentially adoptive parents, but since our social worker lives near us, she decided to come to our house to give us a one-on-one presentation. Let me tell you, I could not have hand-picked a better person to work with through this adoption process!! She has the perfect temperament for her job--soft spoken, organized, gentle, genuine, encouraging, straightforward...she has a de-stressing personality, which is SO great for walking with us through our adoption process. And, she's a believer (which is not a surprise since our agency is a "Christian" agency, but still it is a blessing to have a genuine believer to work with!).
We walked through the process and we got to ask all of our questions. She gave us loads of info without "overloading" us, if that makes sense. Instead of feeling overwhelmed about it all, we just feel...ready! And excited!! She will be mailing our formal paperwork in the next couple of days, and then we'll begin filling it out. She said she could get our homestudy done in three visits, and she likes to do them all pretty closely together and to get them out of the way. She has a very "on top of things" demeanor about her. Nothing has lapsed in our process thus far, and I have a feeling nothing will in the future. The night before, I was cleaning the house like a fiend and baking cookies at 10pm! William laughed at me and said, "you made cookies for our meeting?!" I said, "Well, this lady is going to give us a baby!! The least I can do is serve cookies and coffee!"
Some things we found out about that we really didn't know about: tax credit. Well, we knew we'd get one next year when we file our taxes (assuming that our adoption takes place this year), but we didn't know it could be such a large number! That will go straight into the bank for our next adoption. Then our state government will give us a subsidy since we are doing the minority infant program. They'll reimburse us for a good bit of the legal fees. Craziness! Who knew the Missouri state government was so generous toward adoptive families??
There was lots of other information, but basically our next step is paperwork and then our homestudy which should happen in the foreseeable future. We were so encouraged by all of it. Several people have said to me, "Well, now you're 'paper pregnant!' " I guess in some ways it IS like waiting for our baby through pregnancy--we know we're going to end up with a child (Lord willing), but we do have to wait and prepare. I'm just hoping we don't have to wait 9 full months. :-)Thanks to those of you who were praying for us on Friday!! We're excited about how it's all going. We'll update on our process later as we get more into our paperwork and move on towards our homestudy. We are also encouraged that the Lord is providing exactly what we need when we need it, financially speaking. His grace is truly sufficient, and has been shown to us in the most unexpected ways.
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What does it feel like to be here in this point of our process?
I've received several supportive emails from readers who are at the same point or just past where I am. I've also been emailing back and forth with some friends who are already mothers through adoption. It has been wonderful to connect with others so I can interrogate them! :-) (You think I'm joking, but they can vouch for me!) Sometimes I stop and think, "What in the world am I doing?" I don't know how to be a mom! I've spent the past four years trying to get pregnant and though my husband and I have talked at length about how we want to parent, the thoughts of actually preparing bottles for midnight feedings and diaper changes, for shaping the worldview of a little person, for teaching my child the gospel from the start, for playing and enjoying my little one, for enduring crying fits that I can't stop, for disciplining when they get a little older...all these things are as jumbled together in my mind as they are on this page. I've been so obsessed with becoming a mother that I've thought little about what kind of mother I'll actually be!
I guess that when trying to conceive was our main objective, I felt I never needed to think about this until I saw two pink lines. I've still never seen those two precious pink lines, but there is another beautiful option in front of me which will allow me to be what I long to be. So, now is the time to think about that person. What will I look like as a mother? Biblical, is what I long for that answer to be. Proverbs 31-ish, if you will.
I know my primary reading audience is still struggling through infertility. I'm still there with you. The tears still well up when one cycle ends and another begins. My heart still is pierced when I see pregnant bellies. I can't change that deep desire of my heart. In one sense I feel compelled to forget what is behind and press on to what is before us--and I do so with much excitement, but sometimes I wonder if I will ever let go of the desire to bear a child.
This won't turn into a blog about motherhood. It will still be a place for me to wrestle with my emotions and to affirm that you are not alone in your circumstances. God is good in His plans. I cannot attest to this fact enough.
Sorry for such a lapse between updates.