Thursday, June 5, 2008

::Limbo::

Yes, we are still waiting on this baby to make his appearance. We have heard from our social worker that the birthmom has had some pre-term labor (I'm not entirely sure that what means, except that is isn't the "real thing"), but nothing further.

How do I sleep at night, you ask?

I don't know. I just do. Most of my stressing is done during the day. See, I finished teaching for the year and since school's been out, I've spent my time getting ready for this baby's appearance. But now, everything is packed and ready to go at a moment's notice. There really is nothing left to do! So, my days are spent reading, mindlessly channel surfing, keeping the laundry and dishes up constantly so we don't leave a mess should the call come, and aimlessly wandering through the house. I feel like I'm wasting away while waiting for this most important event!! It's funny, really.

This morning I spent a couple of hours at a friend's house and had a cup of coffee with her. Spending time with others REALLY helps take my mind off of things, for the most part. However, our friends and family are just as anxious as we are... :)

I'll tell you what I haven't done much of--writing down all my thoughts about this huge shift. I am about to leave the non-mom persona for the mom persona. After all these years of longing and waiting, I'm (Lord willing...that all goes through as planned) going to be a mother. I can't quite get that through my head. I remembered today how I questioned myself in February--do I want to be pregnant or do I want to be a mom? After a good hard look at my life, I realized it was motherhood and children I desired the most, whether that came through pregnancy or adoption.
And now....I'm almost there.
It's amazing how the Lord has walked us through this adoption process. I still am in shock at how quickly it all has gone. Wasn't it only the first of February that we began this process?!?

...which helps me keep this waiting in perspective. If the little man decides to stay in his comfortable birthmom's womb for three more weeks, our adoption process STILL has flown by.

Someone joked that they bet I jump every time the phone rings. You have no idea!! It rings and my heart pounds nearly out of my chest; but that's not as funny as my husband's response. His eyes bug out immediately. I need to get a picture of that look.
So, every night we place the phone and cell phones on the nightstand. We put everything in order so we can leave should the phone ring in the middle of the night. Then, when we get up, get all our shower/toiletries out of our bags, get ready for the day, and then put it all back "just in case". It's like planning for a vacation but not knowing when you'll leave.

I've rambled enough. But now you get an idea of what goes through my mind during these waiting days. I cannot wait for the moment when I look into the eyes of a darling little boy who will make all these years of infertility seem like a vapor. Lord, please haste the day.

I promise to update as soon as I know something certain.
XOXOX
glenna

6 comments:

Becky said...

I do know how your heart jumps in your throat every time that phone rings! And I know the daily anxiety and restlessness that you are experiencing!
And, I remember getting to that place, deciding that pregnancy wasn't the important outcome, motherhood was.
It will be real, very soon!
Enjoy your time while you have it!

Bri said...

How exciting and nerve-wracking and everything in between! Good luck, I hope you days are filled with stuff to pass the time!

Amy said...

You are so blessed! What an exciting time.

The truth is, what you are feeling is probably similar to what a mom waiting to go through physical labor feels. It's going to happen. Nobody knows when. You don't know what it will be like. And once it happens, there's no going back to the way things used to be. You will be a mother.

How wonderfully exciting!

Overwhelmed! said...

Oh, I remember those days of waiting when we were in the process of adopting our son. We were so excited to finally receive "the call" and rush to the hospital to be there when he was born. What an amazing experience!

I pray all goes well for you and this expectant mother!

andrea_jennine said...

Haste the day, indeed!

gracechild said...

I'm anxiously waiting as well. I can't wait for that day when I open my blogroll and I see pictures of you & your little one. All is well by God's grace. I can't begin to imagine all that you're feeling right now.