I've just not known what to write, honestly.
We're back into this up-and-down cycle of trying to conceive. But not. What I mean is that we are back into "TTC mode," but we are not obsessing about it. And some of that not-obsessing comes from already being a mom. Like, no charting for me because I have no real set waking time but I do have lots of random waking times throughout the night.....so temperatures are not really reliable. I thought about buying some OPK's but....gosh, I just get so wrapped up in it at all when I'm that invested and I just...don't want to go...there. Once my mind goes there, I'm stuck there, you know?
If I weren't already a mom, I would probably be soooo more into this, but I feel sorta guilty for jumping hard core on the TTC bandwagon because I already have this beautiful son. I mean, I'm a mom! That was the goal, right? No, I didn't get pregnant (which was sort of the goal), but I did become a mom (which was the goal). Which is why I'm not sure what to write here anymore.
What to do, what to do.
I should mention, though, (and this is where all non-female readers should stop reading), that I had my first full cycle since my surgery (told ya to stop reading, guys). And wouldn't you just know--I had a 27 day cycle. Twenty-seven days!! As opposed to 35, 37, or even 42 days (which I think was the longest cycle I've ever had). And wow...so that's what menstrual cramps are supposed to feel like?!?! Oh, that is nothing!! I guess I realized just how much pain I was in pre-surgery. In retrospect, the endometriosis had really caused a lot of pain...it was just my "normal" so I didn't think anything of it. Wow. I'm am so glad to be rid of the Stupid Tumor.
Since I'm still struggling with what to write here, since I'm still dabbling in both worlds--the world of motherhood and the world of infertility, since I just don't know where I fit....I'll leave you with this, because he's just so darn cute. And 4 months old now if you can believe it.
More to come...