Friday, July 2, 2010

::it is what it is::

It's not great, but I guess it could be a whole lot worse.

The reason for the delay in my ultrasound results: my doctor was in some sort of accident and broke her hip and several ribs!!!   She's laid up at home, but is signing off on results, so the nurse was able to get a message to her to review my case.  I so appreciate her effort when I'm sure she feels terrible.  Wow.

So, from my ultrasound she found a cystic lesion, which isn't very concerning.  But, there is also another mass.  Given my history, it is most likely an endometrioma.  Not huge, but it's there.  However, whenever you find a mass, you have to rule out cancer, so I have bloodwork done on Tuesday.  If those results fall within normal limits, we will wait for two months, repeat the ultrasound and see if it has grown or not.  I'm not sure what comes after that.  If it grows...I guess they try to remove it?  That's what's scary--surgery which could possibly result in the loss of my only ovary.  My understanding is, if it hasn't grown, then we proceed with IF treatments.  I decided to hold off on the HSG until we figure out what's going on with this mass (which I shall hereafter refer to as the "stupid tumor" in loving memory of the tumor that took my right ovary).  I mean, why pay $1,000 out of pocket to do the HSG if the stupid tumor could end my fertility treatments altogether?

It's all a bit...unsettling.  I feel relieved that the mass is not so large that they feel it must come out now--like the last time.  I also feel relieved that I do not seem symptomatic like last time, either.  No bloating, mid-cycle spotting, or long cycles.  I feel like that ovary is working, but I am thinking of buying some OPK's to see if I get a positive next month. 

But there's always that minute chance it could be cancerous that makes it all feel a bit surreal.  I'm fairly confident that it is another endometrioma, especially since my surgery two years ago showed that I did have some spots of endometriosis on that ovary.  But still.  Unsettling.

If the bloodwork seems normal, then I guess we just wait the two months and keep trying the good old-fashioned way.  I was just saying to my husband on the phone..."For so many years, we thought our infertility was just male-related.  But now we can say confidently that my body is just as jacked up as yours."  Oh, yes, we are eloquent when referring to our stupid malfunctioning reproductive systems.  I soooo want to blame Eve on this one. 

But honestly, I want to cry. 

And I will....but not before asking you all to pray that God would be pleased to heal my body.  I believe He can do it, I just pray that it would be a part of His plan to do so.  Or....that we could get pregnant while we wait.    And pray that throughout this waiting game, my heart would be steadfast, my faith firmly entrenched in the love of Christ.  That I would be able to say whatever the outcome: It is well. 

So...until next week.



Michelle said...

Glenna, you are in my prayers, as is your husband. Praying for peace as well as good results!

QUESTION: if it becomes necessary for that ovary to be removed, is it possible that the eggs INSIDE the ovary can still be salvaged & saved? Like frozen or however they store them?

Sometimes when kids (or even adults) are diagnosed with cancer & will require treatment such as radiation that will destroy their eggs/sperm, the eggs/sperm are removed & stored prior to the treatment in order to be used later. Perhaps you'd be a candidate to at least try the same thing?

It would probably be expensive, but I'd think it would be worth the cost. If it's something you are able to do medically, perhaps the "Blog World" could come together & work with you on a fundraiser of some sort to help you save & store those eggs!

Please keep us informed as to what's going on so we know how best to pray. :-)

In Him,

Mari Ann said...

My prayers are with you constantly, dear friend. Love you.

M at Hidden Valley Simplicity said...

Oh Glenna,
My heart aches. :(
I love you

Elaine said...

Covering you in prayers, my sweet friend, and I'm praying that God will give you your every hearts desire.

andreajennine said...

I continue to pray for you!

tea said...

I will be praying for you, Glenna. Love to you, and God's peace.

Chelsey said...

And this feeling continues ... I just don't get it. But I love you, and I know that someday, someway the reward will be greater.

Anonymous said...

Oh G... I wish I had answers, and reasons for you. I wish things were different... I love you so. Brie*

Mrs. M said...

Hi. I stumbled across your blog awhile back.

My prayers are with you.