It's not great, but I guess it could be a whole lot worse.
The reason for the delay in my ultrasound results: my doctor was in some sort of accident and broke her hip and several ribs!!! She's laid up at home, but is signing off on results, so the nurse was able to get a message to her to review my case. I so appreciate her effort when I'm sure she feels terrible. Wow.
So, from my ultrasound she found a cystic lesion, which isn't very concerning. But, there is also another mass. Given my history, it is most likely an endometrioma. Not huge, but it's there. However, whenever you find a mass, you have to rule out cancer, so I have bloodwork done on Tuesday. If those results fall within normal limits, we will wait for two months, repeat the ultrasound and see if it has grown or not. I'm not sure what comes after that. If it grows...I guess they try to remove it? That's what's scary--surgery which could possibly result in the loss of my only ovary. My understanding is, if it hasn't grown, then we proceed with IF treatments. I decided to hold off on the HSG until we figure out what's going on with this mass (which I shall hereafter refer to as the "stupid tumor" in loving memory of the tumor that took my right ovary). I mean, why pay $1,000 out of pocket to do the HSG if the stupid tumor could end my fertility treatments altogether?
It's all a bit...unsettling. I feel relieved that the mass is not so large that they feel it must come out now--like the last time. I also feel relieved that I do not seem symptomatic like last time, either. No bloating, mid-cycle spotting, or long cycles. I feel like that ovary is working, but I am thinking of buying some OPK's to see if I get a positive next month.
But there's always that minute chance it could be cancerous that makes it all feel a bit surreal. I'm fairly confident that it is another endometrioma, especially since my surgery two years ago showed that I did have some spots of endometriosis on that ovary. But still. Unsettling.
If the bloodwork seems normal, then I guess we just wait the two months and keep trying the good old-fashioned way. I was just saying to my husband on the phone..."For so many years, we thought our infertility was just male-related. But now we can say confidently that my body is just as jacked up as yours." Oh, yes, we are eloquent when referring to our stupid malfunctioning reproductive systems. I soooo want to blame Eve on this one.
But honestly, I want to cry.
And I will....but not before asking you all to pray that God would be pleased to heal my body. I believe He can do it, I just pray that it would be a part of His plan to do so. Or....that we could get pregnant while we wait. And pray that throughout this waiting game, my heart would be steadfast, my faith firmly entrenched in the love of Christ. That I would be able to say whatever the outcome: It is well.
So...until next week.