Tuesday, November 9, 2010

::a husband who hopes::

My two year old has spent the last two nights in his toddler bed.  It's so sweet, but it's kind of breaking my heart.

My husband and I were talking about dismantling the crib and I all but wailed, "What if we never get to use it again?!?!"

He calmly replied, "But what if we get to use it twelve more times?  Don't lose hope just yet!"

How are men able to compartmentalize hope like this?

My husband has always been the rock of our relationship, but especially so when it comes to infertility.  He assures me that it's okay to have hope, and carries hope for me when I'm unable to muster it up.  He is the epitome of godly leadership and love in our home, and I'm so, so thankful for him.   But that isn't to say that he is unaffected by it all.  He has wrestled and grieved as I have.  And he has tried to shield me from his own hurt so that he can be strong for me. 
He has thought about blogging several times on my blog here just to have a male perspective; perhaps I can twist his arm to do that sometime soon. 

So, I'm wondering--how have your husbands have handled your infertility?
As far as blogging and writing on infertility, why is the male voice on infertility such a silent one?

Share your thoughts!


P.S.  I'm getting some guest posts lined up on a range of IF topics...stay tuned!


Amber said...

I think my hubby has still had the "why" questions, as I have. But he as well has been my rock and shoulder to cry on. I know it was hard for him to keep having hope as our treatment cycles kept failing. He didn't lose hope that God would bless us with a child, but hope in the treatment. I am thankful for my hubby who keeps his eyes on the cross, and not the things of this world.

Bumber's Bumblings said...

Hey girl! I think this is my first comment on your blog. I've been following for a while, but am just finally getting back into blogging...

Hubby has had a hard time with IF as well, but doesn't really talk about it that much. Since we've adopted, we've definitely have stopped trying and if it happens, great, if it doesn't, great. We really feel that we are meant to adopt more. My heart has become more and more burdened for following Christ's command in caring for the fatherless. I don't think he's really caught up to me as much in this area though. He is more focused on the financial burden of adopting more...

I think men are silent in the blog world and the real world about IF and adoption, because they sometimes don't have as much of a need to talk their feelings out and just internalize a lot.

Okay, I've written enough...

Stop by my new blog and check it out!


Aaron and Angie said...

Hi Glenna! Boy it's been a long time. Not sure if you are still following my blog since it went private but today I started wondering about you... not sure how that started. But, I searched you out and found this blog which I hadn't been following since you made your private one. Your son is absolutely beautiful. I wish when I stumbled upon your blog that you'd have happier news. I'm saddened that you are still living with infertility. I know the pains that go along with that and it's one of the hardest things in life. In regard to your post, my DH had and still has, quite a bit of anger with infertility. For him, he strayed from God (for the first time in his life) while we were waiting. He blogged a little but mostly kept it to himself, and me. He said that he had no one to talk to who "got it". It was a struggle for him and to this day, I can see the emotions in his eyes when people get pregnant who didn't struggle or do not want a pregnancy. It never goes away. The scars are there. Although my two daughters have healed me enough to live my life and be very happy as a mommy... the ache, the sadness, the scars of infertility, never seem to heal. Even after my pregnancy, it's still there. I still see myself as infertile. I hope that you are well and I missed your blog.... so glad to have found you again!

tea said...

I think my husband has been much like yours... The rock that I can lean on and always pointing to hope. He has been so supportive too, as I've been working and praying to let go. He keeps his feelings mostly quiet, but I know he feels the pains of infertility like I do.

sjpjminor said...

Hey Girl! My husband is the same as yours! Never loses hope.. Idk how most guys deal with it differently.. But he has been the rock for me as well always leading me back to God has a reason and we have to trust in his timing! :)

Whitney said...

I always feel guilty when I think about my husband's response to IF because I'm usually so focused on me and the way I'm feeling that I don't really think much about how he must be dealing with it. He isn't one to want to talk much about his feelings, and I know he tries to spare me more guilt by not being totally honest. I know men don't feel the same way women do about infertility for the most part (I often don't think they can understand the depth of what a woman feels about it) but I know they grieve in their own way. This was a good post for me to read b/c although I never want to pressure my husband to talk if he doesn't want to, it makes me want to be more sensitive to the way he's feeling about it all. Thanks.