Wednesday, February 20, 2013

elusive contentment

Tap, tap. 

Is this thing on?

I know it's been a while. I feel a little rusty, but I've been thinking a lot about this little spot on the interwebs and wondering what to do with it.  Infertility, while still something I deal with--I supposed nothing has changed physically--well, it's not something I think about as often as I used to. 

A little update on me:
My son is almost five (gulp) years old.  Kindergarten is just around the corner which basically has me in hysterics every time I think about packing his cute little bum off to school.  Okay, I must stop thinking about that before I start crying (again).

We are still trying to adopt from Ethiopia, but the red tape just gets longer and longer and referrals seemed to have nearly come to a screeching halt.  Plus, we are far, far, far from from the top of our agency's list, so even though it's been a year since we submitted our dossier, we fully expect another year of waiting for a match.  It's completely frustrating, and for a fuller explanation, you can read more here.

We are doing well in church ministry (praise God), and it surprises me to no end that we've been here nearly eight years.  God is doing all kinds of new things in our life and in our life as a church, which is simultaneously so exciting and totally overwhelming.  But a good kind of overwhelming. 

My husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage this summer, which dumbfounds me.  WHAT.  I'm not 22 yrs old anymore?!  I'm coming up on 32.  When did that happen?  I'm starting to feel it when I creakily pull myself from bed in the mornings.  (Don't judge.  I have a bad back.)  Still, I look back ten years and think, gosh, we barely knew one another!  I know that's not entirely true, but sure does deepen and grow into something precious and strong after several years together.  I can only imagine what my marriage will be like ten years from now.  Can it really continue to be better than this?  I am so profoundly blessed with a compassionate, kind, patient husband who loves me with all of my quirks, ugly internal flaws, and self-centeredness.  I thank the Lord almost daily for making this man my husband.  I just wouldn't do with a different man. 
Ten years of marriage brings me full circle to this subject of infertility because ten years of marriage means roughly nine years of infertility for us.  And I would think that acknowledging the length of time would make me panic.  I mean, I'm no spring chicken when it comes to child-bearing years.  The clock is ticking faster than ever.  But, I guess I've just gotten to a place of normalcy with it. 
It just is what it is. 
And adoption is the path we have chosen and feel that God has called us to.  So, most of the time I can put infertility behind me.  It doesn't bother me like it used to, and I am so thankful for that. 

My main reason for this post today, besides testing the waters here--I'm not sure I have a whole lot to say about infertility anymore--is to share a book with you that I read recently. 

Recently my church went through Stephen Altrogge's book The Greener Grass Conspiracy: Finding Contentment on Your Side of the Fence.  This is an easy read (easy as in short, not easy as in easy to swallow), and Altrogge addresses the sometimes touchy subject of contentment for the Christian.  I would recommend it to many people in my life for a plethora of reasons--number one being that we all, yes ALL, struggle with contentment.  But my reason for recommending it here is that Altrogge refers to infertility several times throughout his book as being an area where people are prone to discontentment.  Infertility is definitely not a theme in this book, but it is used repeatedly in his examples of difficult situations wherein it is hard to find contentment. 

By taking us back to the Gospel over and over, Altrogge very carefully and compellingly points us to Jesus Christ, in whom contentment must be found.  He also reminds us that we live between two worlds, fighting for faith in a broken, fall world while longing for heaven.  His last chapter, "The End of Tears" was a sweet comfort to me, and another instance in which he makes reference to infertility, among other struggles:
         "Let's allow our current battles with discontentment to serve as reminders of heaven....When your heart is breaking because you can't conceive a baby, rest your broken heart in Jesus.  Then, through your tears, look to the day when Jesus will wipe away every tear and say, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.' " (Altrogge, p. 134)

I found this book to be a funny, practical, both lighthearted but heavy-weighted exhortation to look at Jesus for satisfaction.  Our hearts were made to find satisfaction in Him.

I hope you'll look this one up and be encouraged.


1 comment:

Candace said...

Hello Glenna! I stumbled across your blog this week and have been encouraged reading your posts. It really is amazing seeing bits of your journey -- from grief-stricken barrenness to open arms for adoption. It's awesome. Although all of our infertility journeys are a bit different, we see the same God guiding and directing us. Thanks for sharing.